


"just smile!"

by youriko



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, F/F, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, LET ME DIE, Mental Illness, Suicidal Thoughts, self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:39:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9713756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youriko/pseuds/youriko
Summary: the 5 times riko hated herself and the 1 time chika noticed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> a lil vent cause apparently i needed it
> 
> lots of talk of self harm, if ur triggered by that, pls don't read

**(one)**

 

Riko found, like many things, Takami Chika made her sick.

 

She was happy, she was joyful, she was everything Riko was not, and it was absolutely  _effortless._ She could do all this without trying, without taking pills, without secretly feeling something much darker. 

 

When Chika tried to stop her from jumping, she knew it. She knew she wouldn't let her drown, unlike most everyone else.

 

 

It made her _sick._

 

**(two)**

 

Riko found, like many nights, tonight she'd be staring at a bottle of pills, debating.

 

She didn't know why her parents hadn't hidden her pills after the first time she attempted, much less the two that followed. She told herself it was because her parents didn't care, or that they wanted her to die. It made her want to take them all the more. It made her feel sick.

 

She heard a voice, at 3 am, calling her from another balcony.

 

"Riko!"

 

Takami Chika was interesting, wasn't she?

 

**(three)**

 

"Become a school idol with us!"

 

Chika held out her hand, and Riko just stared. 

 

_(she'd drag them down she'd destroy their career she'd disappoint them she'd disappoint her she'd ruin everything cause that's what she always does she can't she can't she can't can't can't can't can't can't can't can't can't can't)_

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Riko walked away, feeling absolutely, utterly sick.

 

**(four)**

 

Riko stared out onto the crowd, if you could even call it that.

 

The small group of people in the gym was despairing. They had failed. They had failed, and they knew it, and they continued.

 

(why did she continue?)

 

People came rushing in, filling the area to the brim. Chika's tears fell onto the stage, lost, forgotten. They were gone now. It was okay now.

 

_(chika was the reason they succeeded. she'd never be anything without her. you know that, right?)_

 

Riko debates whether or not she'd rather they had failed.

 

**(five)**

 

She'd give it up.

 

She'd give up her dream of the piano, her dream for many years, for ~~her~~ Aqours. She'd do it, and she'd do it all for ~~her~~ Aqours. She wasn't going to let someone else down.

 

Chika knew that, and she stopped it.

 

"Riko, you have to go."

 

(she knew that, but it didn't mean she wanted to. she wanted to stay, she wanted to stay with chika, cause chika made her feel less and less sick every day.)

 

"Okay."

 

~~**(six)** ~~

 

one.

 

It's not like Riko had never preformed in front of a crowd this big before, but it was the first time preforming in front of a crowd this big with Chika, with You, with the rest. If she missed a step, if she failed 

 

~~(as she always did)~~

 

she'd let the whole group down.

 

She couldn't go out. She wouldn't.

 

"Hey, Riko, you okay?"

 

Riko looked up at her. "No."

 

"Take my hand, Riko."

 

She did as she was told.

 

"No matter what, I'll never stop loving you."

 

(truth be told, it didn't make her feel any less nervous.)

 

(she went out onstage and preformed like nothing else mattered cause it didn't.)

**Author's Note:**

> chikariko angst supplier.


End file.
